At least once a week (yes, that frequently) I get asked the question: “Why did you stop drinking?” So, I figured maybe it was time to really, truly, answer this question with no holds barred. Just complete honesty. Plus, since I am going to be starting to blog about this topic more frequently, I felt this would be a good place to start.
I drank because it was 5′o clock somewhere. I drank because it was brunch. I drank because I was getting ready to go out. I drank because it was what we did at work meetings. I drank because I was bored. I drank because I wasn’t. I drank because I was a 20something female, and it’s part of societal norms.
I drank because I had no reason not to.
I was a party girl, but I never saw it as a problem. And that’s probably because my social drinking lifestyle wasn’t necessarily an ugly, dark place. I wasn’t “that girl” who was crying in public at 3am after having one too many vodka drinks. I didn’t drive drunk, and never got a DUI. I didn’t take shots of tequila and find myself naked on a party photo website the following morning. I wasn’t waking up in a strangers bed, and vice versa. That just wasn’t me. But, I could never just have one drink. Having a mimosa or two at brunch turned into an all day drinking affair. Having a drink with a friend always turned into five or six.
However, the real problem was at home, when I was alone. I came home after work and could down a bottle of wine without thinking twice. Wine was like water to me. If I got upset, I had some drinks. If I didn’t want to deal with my anxiety or depression, I had some drinks. Not realizing that doing this was pushing me further down the spiral of bullshit. When I wanted to shut off my thoughts, I had some drinks. It was just my way of dealing, or rather not dealing with life.
But, after a long night of drinking until 6am on Oct 23, I decided to make it my last drink. I could finally recognize that I had a drinking problem, and that “Giving Up Alcohol….Sort Of” wasn’t an option for me. It’s definitely been a rough, uphill battle over the last 8 months. But, there has been nothing but positives from this decision. And my only hope is that from writing about this topic more, I can reach others who might be struggling with the same things.