this vintage school bus that is in my neighborhood.

I’ll write more about this little February project tomorrow when I have more time to type.

I’ve been debating whether or not to write this post.

I’ve written it, I’ve deleted it. Over and over again.

I try not to be a negative person, or bring negative energy into my life. I try to not express these type of feelings on my blog either, but then again, life is not always so whimsical and magical. And every now and then, I think it’s alright to uncover those ugly raw truths, because I am a human. I’m not just a face on a computer screen.

Some of you may or may not know that in 2011, I was in a relationship for almost an entire year. (obviously that relationship is over now) I say “may not know” because I didn’t really share much about this relationship on my blog. (Something I noticed as I went back into my archives last month) Actually, in general I didn’t share much about my life or really anything on my blog in 2011. And this is something that makes me angry. Actually, there is a lot that I am angry about, and today I going to let go of all this anger. Having all this anger is unhealthy, and I can’t truly lead a happy, fulfilling life carrying this weight on my shoulders.

And as I write this list, I want everyone to realize that I am not angry at anyone but myself. This isn’t an attack on the person, because they didn’t do anything directly. I gave them this control that they are not even aware of. This is on my shoulders.

I am angry at myself for….

giving someone so much unspoken control
letting my blog fall to the wayside
remaining in an unhappy relationship for so long
not standing up for myself more often
not following through with my goals
letting my body go after I spent two years working off unwanted weight gain
turning to alcohol to cope with sadness and anger
settling for less than I deserve
feeling bad about who I am
using the “L word” so freely and without care
letting myself feel badly about where I come from
taking on so much negative energy that didn’t belong to me
wasting a year of my life
being so resentful and regretful
slacking off on my school work
shopping my depression away
giving up the idea of motherhood
being a gossip
not smiling as much
not spending as much time with my family as I wanted to
convincing myself that I am bad at relationships
being dishonest with myself
losing sight of my individuality and identity

But most of all, I am angry at myself for not being the best version of myself for a year.

This anger stops now.

Pictured above are three new items that I recently bought, and have zero plans of ever taking off.

Exhibit A: My knock off Spirit Hood from Target. So silly and tacky, but so necessary.
Exhibit B: A high low over-sized sweater from F21. I know that store is the devil, but that $20 sweater was just the piece of clothing that I was on the hunt for. It’s been two days, and I haven’t taken it off yet.
Exhibit C: A pair of Sam Edelman “Adena” flats in satin black. I’ve been on the hunt for these for quite some time now, and guess what? I got them on sale for 60% off.

Ok, enough shopping brags. Onto more interesting things.

As much as I really wanted to get back on my regular blogging schedule at the start of the New Year, it just didn’t happen. And that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I was just too busy living IRL, and I wouldn’t change a thing. So far, 2012 has been absolutely magical, it almost makes 2011 seem like a non-existent blur. Again, not really a bad thing. I try not to have many regrets, but there is a piece of me that regrets some decisions I made in 2011 and how I lead my life. Regardless, I’m not here to live in the past, I live for now and look forward to the future. And I couldn’t be more excited about doing so.

Here’s a few pieces that I wrote this month for my job at the New Times:
- My music feature on my friend and rapper Jacques Bruna aka Bleubird
- My review of The Kills concert on Saturday night in Fort Lauderdale

And a quick recap of January, let’s see. . .

Bubble tea, food trucks, concerts, vegetarian food, lots and lots of writing, school, sleepless nights, so much reading, fancy grilled cheese, ice cream flavor tasting, my first big music feature, cold weather, a cute tattooed boy, going to the vintage motorcycle show, the Swap Shop, hitting 90 days of booze free life, shoes, shoes, shoes, cheesecake, blue hair, BBQs, so many gingerbread lattes, brunch, fancy soda, discovering pizza goldfish, best friends, sister dates, bringing back bell bottoms (that was a tongue twister, huh? haha), listening to new music, and being completely happy.

And in photos. . .

Well folks, I’m happy to report that it’s just about to turn 9am, and I’m already sitting down at my computer to get my blogging work done. But, I’m not just sitting here in my PJs having just rolled out of my hella comfy and cozy bed. I’ve already worked out, dropped off my dry cleaning, taken Biscuitdog for a walk, and picked up my morning dosage of gingerbread latte from Starbucks. Can you believe it? Just typing all that out seemed a bit exhausting, but in that good way of course.

So, now I’m sitting here in my sweater boots ready to get my blog on. . .

I’ve never been that person who just hops out of bed ready to tackle the day. Honestly, those people scare me. (No offense to you folks. Although you kind of offend me with your wide eyed cheery morning ways.) But, I’m quickly recognizing that while I might not need to fly out of bed like a bat out of hell, I should get my morning routine down to a science in order to increase productivity.

Have you hit the next button on Google Reader yet? I probably would have. If not, well high five for you.

I’m not writing this as some sort of motivational thingamagig, I’m just writing to write. Cause well, isn’t that what us bloggers are supposed to do? It’s not all pretty photos and outfit posts over here in Betseyland. Sorry, ya’ll.

I digress.

So here I am, two weeks into 2012 and trying to get my routine on. I’ve attempted blogging in the afternoon, that just doesn’t work. Mostly because at that point I’m already involved in a million things and my brain is on the train to ADD hell. I’ve attempted working last at night — biphasic style and all — but it’s just not for me. I find that it’s suuuuuuper easy to get distracted and bored within minutes. Usually resulting in putting on some reruns and passing out. So, now I’m going to give this morning thing a go. It seems like a lot of people do it, so maybe I should as well.

Some of you are probably like, why is this bitch having so many issues with a routine? Well, to be honest, I don’t live a normal lifestyle. I don’t have a 9-5 job,  and this makes regular daily scheduling a bit difficult.  I know it shouldn’t be thaaaat hard, but what can I say? I just struggle with routines. Gimme a break and/or get over it. But, this time around. . . I’m going to really try. Cause whatever the hell I’m doing just isn’t working.

What is your morning routine like? Do you have one?

PS – I now understand UGGs. But only in the privacy of your own home, of course. But, let’s just say, I’ve been lusting after some fur lined boots to wear while sitting around in my non-heated apartment when I’m blogging and writing. Also, not gonna lie. I want a comfy sweatsuit. Ya know, like a Juicy or Victoria Secret one. All I’m saying is, I get it. And I’m not ashamed to hop on the cozy working at home train. Cause really, who the hell blogs in “Litas” with their makeup done and a pretty dress? Not this bitch.

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It’s hard to believe that in just under a week we’ll be on our way to welcoming in the New Year of 2012. I honestly look back on 2011 and it feels like one giant blur — not sure if that is a good or bad thing just yet. Regardless, it has been quite a whirlwind of a year for me, and I openly admit that I’m looking forward to closing this chapter of my life. In just the last week and a half, I’ve experienced great upheaval and changes in my life that have really tested my mental stability and sobriety. Needless to say, despite an overwhelming feeling of defeat and a bit of heartache, I’m happy to say I came out of it with a clear mind and without a drink. And in the end, I know my decisions are for the best and that things can only get better from here on out.

Over the course of the next few days, I’m going to completely purge my apartment, closet, and workspace once and for all. It’s been a task that has been put off for way too long, and I refuse to go into the New Year with a cluttered home and mind. My apartment is basically an overwhelming space for me, and I can’t seem to get settled properly while I’m being suffocated by my things. It’s not very relaxing at all. But, I’m confident that once I get everything in order, I will be able to move my year into a more positive and productive light. (Read: ‘Minimalism: How to Declutter Your Home & Your Soul’)

Some things I’d like to work on in 2012…

Live a life fueled by positivity. It’s really easy to say you’re a positive person, but at the end of the day when we rest our heads down on the pillow, is it the truth? I could probably go on for an entire post about this, but I won’t. For now, I’m just going to say I want to live every day in the most positive way possible. I won’t let myself be surrounded by negative thinking people or have my brain clouded with negative thoughts. It’s exhausting and mentally taxing. I’ve come to realize that 99% of the time, someone’s negative shit is just not about me, and there is no reason for me to take it on myself. No complaints, no gossip, no focusing on the bad.

Continue on living a sober life. It’s been a process, that’s for sure. But, I plan on continuing with it because it has done nothing but wonderful things for my life.

To stop obsessively checking Facebook and Twitter. The few days that I had no phone were quite refreshing. I love Twitter, but to be honest I’m so completely over Facebook. If I didn’t need it for work, I’d probably delete it. Lately, I even find myself just scrolling to the top of the Twitter app and not going through old tweets like I used to. It’s quite freeing.

Purchase an organizer. Throughout 2011, I bounced between a Filofax and a Moleskine notebook. Needless to say, it just left me even more un-organized than before. I need to pick up a legit planner and call it a day. I really adore the Erin Condren planners, but it’s not really in my budget at the moment. We’ll see.

Stop bullshitting and get into shape. 30 years old is just around the corner from me and I need to quit being so damn unhealthy. Since giving up alcohol, I’ve lost a lot of the difficult weight I’d been wanting to get rid of, now it’s time to get fit. It shouldn’t be that difficult considering I have a huge stack of Jillian Michaels DVDs staring at me in the face every time I plop my lazy ass onto the couch. Hahaha.

Semi-related to the paragraph above, I would like to Learn to cook. I mean don’t get the wrong idea, I’m not some fire hazard and hot mess in the kitchen, but a girl can only eat so many uncreative meals before going insane. I really want to become a better vegetarian and incorporate this into the blog as well.

Stop shopping so fucking much. (Yes, I shop so much that it warranted a curse word in there) While I’ve been going through my closets and drawers, I’ve noticed how much shit I really have. I don’t even have room for it. Then I’ll go to pick up my dry cleaning orders and have even more items piling up on my bed.  And the amount of shoes that I have is offensive.  I randomly find shoes that I haven’t worn in months because I forget about them. The other day, I just realized I owned a pair of those Jessica Simpson “Dany” heels. It’s really out of control. I’ve considered starting a “Shop My Closet” site, but that is just more work than I care to get into right now, I rather just donate it all to a local charity. They need the clothing and shoes more than we do anyway.

Kick my blogging ass into gear. I love writing, I love blogging, so why the fuck have I slacked so much on it this year? I can’t pinpoint one thing or another for the reasoning behind this. Perhaps I was too busy living life off the internet, or I just didn’t feel inspired by surrounding parties. I’m not sure. But, I do know that this blog is very important to me, and I want to make it so much better than it has ever been. I have so many ideas and plans that are just waiting to be executed.

Starting the day with writing. My co-worker mentioned the author Julia Cameron to me, and a few of her tips for writing. One of them was to start the day by writing 5 pages of absolute bullshit just to get the creative juices flowing. This is definitely something I want to try. I’m also going to pick up a few of her books from the library.

Giving up alcohol was one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do, and I’ve managed to beat it. So there shouldn’t be any reason that I can’t accomplish these things, right?

A few links I feel compliment this post…

‘Why I Won’t Stop Blogging’ and ‘Becoming a Better Human, Blogging’

‘How to Stop Procrastinating About Procrastinating’

‘Slay Your Time Vampires’ Part I and Part II

‘Narrowing the Priorities’

‘Life Only Sucks if You Do (Bring the Radness)’

‘30 Challenges for 30 Days of Growth’

‘Destroy What Destroys You’

‘The Secret Rule of Changing Anything’

‘Picking One Little Word to Guide Your Year’

‘50 Radical New Year’s Resolution…That You Can Do All Year’

If you’ve got any links that pertain to these topics and you think I should check out, please share!

I think I’m going to re-create this and hang it above my bed.

As far as a little catch up with what’s been going on, Wednesday will be the official marking of 60 days without alcohol. I can’t believe I’ve gotten thus far. In celebration of it, I got a new tattoo of a broken shot glass that says ‘Last Call’. (see above) It was done by Brian at Magic City Tattoo in Boca Raton. I am so in love with it. It’s such an awesome reminder of this journey that I’m on to better myself and my lifestyle. I’ve lost around 12lbs since giving up the alcohol, which is also a really exciting thing. I don’t have much more to go until I reach my goal weight, now just to get back into shape. I’ve been working on purging my apartment and closet, there is just so much excess piling up and I need to get rid of it. It’s really hindering my organization and desire to want to keep my place in order.

Unfortunately, not everything has been all unicorns and whimsy over here. On Saturday night I was put in an extremely stressful situation, but I’m getting through it. My car was broken into and my purse was stolen. Inside my purse was my iPhone, my wallet (with waaaaaay too much cash), and some of my favorite lipglosses and memories. It was definitely a bit of a setback mentally, but I’m trying to not let it defeat me. I’ll be getting my phone back sometime this week, but to be honest it’s been a really lovely thing to be so disconnected from the internet. I haven’t felt anxious or on edge that I couldn’t check my phone while I’m out. It’s actually quite refreshing. However, not gonna lie….I do miss instagram. But other than that, it really makes me question whether or not to delete my Facebook and Twitter apps from my new phone. But, we’ll see.

Additionally, mercury retrograde has really effected me. I wish I could say that I got through it with flying colors this season, but sadly that wasn’t the case. I think that is another major reason that I’ve been showing no interest in blogging, etc. Mercury Retrograde really fucks with me.

However, all in all, I’m really looking forward to 2012. This year was a great one, but had a lot of ups and downs energetically and creatively for me. It was a bit of a rollercoaster. On the upside though, I feel like I’m finally settling into myself and things will be on the up and up from here on out.

That’s all for now. . . happy Monday.

PS. -  ‘5 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Journalist’ is the best article I’ve read all day. I cannot stop laughing. It’s pretty much the most on point description of myself ever. Also, ‘5 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Blogger’ is another great read.

How absolutely ridiculous is that photo? I couldn’t help it, I was just oh so excited about having my bangs back in my life. Yes, that’s right folks. I’ve cut my bangs again, and I don’t know how I went so long without them. It’s like I re-found my long lost soulmate. Seriously. My baby forehead missed them oh so much. It’s just difficult to have bangs in the Summer, so now that the weather is finally cooling off, I can wear them 24/7. Now I just need to get one of those little mini hair irons to keep them on point at all times.

Also. . .

I got Hello Kitty foot pajamas today. So, I guess you could say my life is basically complete now.

Well guys, apparently it’s December. Only a month away from a brand new year, 2012. Pardon my french, actually no. Do not pardon it. What the fuck? Where did this year go? Can we slooooow down time just a little bit, please? Thank you.

This weekend is going to be a hectic whirlwind. For those of you not clued in, it’s Art Basel. Duh. Only one of the best times of year down here in Miami. Lots of art, art, and more art, and well parties and music. Free booze too. Tons of it. Too bad I won’t be cashing in on that though. Ah well. I swear, I think I’m gonna pull an Alex Dupre and start asking friends to take shots while I bite the lime.

I still have so much to blog about from Thanksgiving weekend and the holidays. But, alas yesterday I found zero time to get my blog on, so maybe in the next post. I’m forever behind. I swear that’ll change in 2012.

More importantly, can we discuss this beauties that showed up on my doorstep yesterday? I’ve been sleeping in them ever since. No really, I passed out for a nap and still had my shoes on. Over the top? I agree. Anyway, these lovelies were a special gem that I’ve had my eye on for quite some time now. Over a year I believe. And my super rad friend found them online during Black Friday for so hella cheap. I couldn’t resist. Plus, they are my official 30 days booze free gift to myself. Treat Yo Self 2011 rules my life.

As per usual, I’m not really sure what I’m rambling on about right now, the words are just flowing out onto the blog post. Haha. I have so much that I want to re-do on the blog, but to start in December? Or just kick it all off on January 1? Decisions, decisions, decisions.

I’d like to re-pierce my nose. Did I already mention that here? Well, regardless, I still want to do it. Maybe next week.

On a last note, I need to shut down the shopping. ASAP.

]]> http://betseyj.com/2011/12/apparently-its-december/feed/ 4 http://betseyj.com/2011/11/gingerbread-lattes-other-obsessions/ http://betseyj.com/2011/11/gingerbread-lattes-other-obsessions/#comments Tue, 29 Nov 2011 17:47:44 +0000 Betsey J http://betseyj.com/?p=9887 ]]>

I was in no mood to come up with something super clever for the title of this post. Actually, to be honest, I rarely am. Ha, oh well. So as you can see in the above photo, I’m kissing the shit outta my Starbucks Gingerbread Latte. If you follow me anywhere else, you probably have already seen this photo and are currently rolling your eyes at my vanity. Temperature and style aside, this is my favorite time of your purely based on the availability of GBL and their pretty red cups. I wish Starbucks had different cups for every season. Wouldn’t that be just wonderful? Did I really just spent an entire paragraph ranting about coffee? Awesome.

As for the other photo, those two items are my new obsession. The shoes are Also and the leggings are LNA. I need to buy at least 5 more pairs because I’m currently living in them. I love the fabric and the ankle zipper, they fit so perfectly around my chicken bone ankles. My only qualm with them is that they’re not high-waisted. I’d really love that. But overall, best leggings I’ve ever put on my body. As far as the shoes, total dream come true. I’ve been looking for a style like them for quite some time now, but unfortunately most pairs have a round toe. That isn’t really my thing. And then poof, out of the nowhere these fell into my lap. I never want to take them off. Plus they make me so so so so tall, and I just can’t get enough of that.

So, while I was on a latte break from working I hopped over to the bookstore and found a magazine gem hiding in the racks. I’ve never been much of a foodie, well wait, I love food, but I haven’t considered writing about it or anything before. Anyway, the magazine is called Lucky Peach and it’s absolutely magical. I missed out on Issue 1, but I think it’s still available for purchase online, so I am need to scoop that up asap. If you can find a copy locally, give it a read. I’ve never been so motivated to get interested in food writing. I’m serious, I really want to delve into this further. The food critic at my job is super rad and totally inspiring. Perhaps, I’ll give it a go on the blog in the near future. What do you think?

Oh you know, just me being vain again. At 6am this morning it was in the 50s, however when I finally left my house around 9am, it was not as cold. But I still had to take the obligatory “I can put on my new scarf” photo, duh. My eyebrows look really good in that photo, huh? Not to toot my own horn or anything, well actually yes I am going to. It must have been a weirdo fluke while I was sleep walking and getting ready this AM. I really love making that face huh? I bet I could make one of those “same face, different place” .gif images real easy.

That was quite a chatty post, eh? Must have been the extra shot of espresso this morning.

I love making lists. I really do. So, I figured what better list is there to start than a “Booze Free To Do List”? You see, now that I’m not spending mornings hungover or evenings out til ‘3am, I’m finding that I have a lot more energy to do things, free time, and extra money to spend. And I’ve got a whole slew of hobbies & activities that I’d like to give a go at.

1. Learn to knit
I’ve been dreaming about an enormous black knit over-sized scarf, but I can’t find the perfect one. (Well, perfect in my eyes) And then I thought to myself, well why the fuck don’t I just knit one? Then I came across one of Geri’s video tutorials from the LEAF.tv series, and decided it’s time to get my ass moving. The cold weather is just around the corner.

2. Attend a weekly Yoga class
Last week my sister and I went to Red Pearl, a local yoga studio, and absolutely fell in love. I loved the atmosphere, and especially the teacher. She didn’t make me feel totally ridiculous for not being a Yoga expert as I attempted to not be completely unbalanced and awkward. Since I won’t be hitting up Happy Hours on a nightly basis, this leaves time for an evening Yoga class instead.

3. BiPhasic Sleeping
I know I’ve attempted this a handful of times, but this go around I think I’ll be able to do it. I’ve already got a week under my belt, and when there isn’t booze flowing through my veins in the morning, it’s a helluva lot easier to wake up at 6am.

4. Rebrand and open my vintage shop
Like most things this year, I’ve talked about doing this over and over. But, to be completely honest, I was more concerned with going out all the time than focusing on a lot of my goals. It’s not something I’m proud of or like to admit, but hey the truth hurts sometimes. Right? But, I’m shooting for a relaunch on January 1. And now that I’m saying it and I am completely alcohol free, I have no excuse to let anything get in my way.

5. Take on more freelance writing jobs
I love love love my full-time writing career, but I’d like to source out myself a bit for some freelance writing gigs. I do have the extra time, so why not?

6. Blog everyday
Sounds easy right? Nope. When I say blogging, I mean actual meaningful, word filled, and noteworthy posts. Not just posts filled with pretty images and links. I am blog addict at heart and I need to take some more time out of my day to spend with my blog. I’ve really let it go over this last year. I’m not letting that happen in 2012. I want to review books and movies, demonstrate recipes, and do some video blogging.

7. Design clothes
Whether this project will just be more for myself or end up being a distant future goal, I’m not sure. But I know that I’m so tired of not being able to find the clothing that’s being dreamed up in my brain.

8. Live a healthier life
Giving up alcohol was definitely a major step in this direction, no doubt about that. But now that I’ve got that task under my belt, I need to become a better vegetarian. I’ve been living this way for so long, but unfortunately not in the healthiest way at all. I’m the queen of using microwavable veggie products and skipping out on meals. At almost 30, I’d say it’s time to grow out of that habit.

Well, that is my list so far, I’ll probably add some things to it as I continue on with this process. If you’ve got an ideas for me or yourself, please share.